Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Facade

Another week come and gone. I had the plan at the beginning of the week that I would be super productive. I knew Thursday was Thanksgiving and that Friday would be spent riding in a car, but those first three days and then Saturday and Sunday I was going to go all out. I was just going to whip out those pages. But somehow it seems that whenever I think that way it almost guarantees that I won't be productive. I'll start thinking about how much I need to work, how much I need to draw. I'll start brooding on it. I think about it when I'm brushing my teeth and in the shower and when I'm having a meal. It'll keep me up at night. I'll find myself waking up at three in the morning thinking I need to be drawing, I need to be productive. But all that thinking just ends up wearing me out. My mind has run a marathon even before I've sat down at the drawing board. And none of that thinking really has anything to do with the drawing. I'm not figuring anything out, I'm just telling myself I need to be drawing, which I already knew already.

Why do I become my own nag?

Sunday, November 23, 2008


Say, for example, you see some of those silly toy glasses that have cardboard eyes where the lenses would be, and you think, "Wouldn't it be cool if there were things besides eyes there?" And then you think of eyes as windows to the soul and what if instead of eyes there on those pieces of cardboard where the lenses should be there were images of the soul. Then you think of the things you would see, craziness, war, pain, love, the seven deadly sins. Cool, yeah, great, double great, maybe a little high school but it will be fun. Then, for example, you get going and you realize that the space inside eye glass frames is pretty small to draw in and you have to get pretty symbolic, because you don't have room for details, and maybe the meaning disappears, and you realize that drawing stars in someone's eyes isn't as easy as you thought it might be and that it just looks like dots, and that drawing heartbreak isn't easy especially if you don't want to cave in and draw something as trite as a heart splitting apart, but isn't this kind of trite anyway, and those are TVs but will anyone recognize them as TVs? Then when you get it all done you're not even sure if any of it makes sense, and what exactly does a camera in someone's eye mean? The original thought was to convey the sense of judgement you feel sometimes when you're talking to someone, and you thought about a judge in a wig, but that didn't really seem possible to draw in such a small space so you settled on a camera but that might not mean anything anyway. And doubt had been growing as this thing took shape, but you had quieted that by saying that at least it will look cool. It's a cool visual idea, maybe it won't make sense, but it will be slick at least. And then you get it all finished and you're not even sure about that.

This all hypothetical, of course.

I'm gonna watch some football.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Boy Who Ate Too Many Tongues

This is one of the first stories that I came up with for my book about Turkmenistan. It's also one of my favorites, and sadly it's also one of the first that I decided had to be cut. It just didn't fit in with the rest. Where the other stories were realistic and down to earth this one is more like a fable. It seemed out of place.

I still like it though.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

All That's Between Us

I can only do one thing at a time.  I am a monotasker. So when it comes to working on a graphic novel like I am now, I hide myself away. I want peace and quiet with no distractions. I'm in town of less than 1000 people. It's beautiful, I can't even see a house from out my window and I enjoy it.  But there are moments when I can't help but feel the distance between me and the people I love. I used to imagine a future time when all my friends and family would be close by and we'd see each other all the time, but it's just never going to be that way. This isn't just because of my seclusion but also because people are spread out all across the country and halfway around the world. I go months and years without seeing my friends and I just hope that the bonds are strong enough to last. 

Sunday, November 2, 2008

All Kinds of Girls

Procrastination is an odd thing. I'll have some drawing that I want to do, but I'll find a million little things to do before I get down to it. I'll keep putting it off and telling myself that when I do sit down I'll really work hard and make up for all this time I've been wasting. But I keep finding distractions and reasons to delay.

But then I finally sit down and start drawing and I remember that I love drawing, so why was I making so many excuses not to?

It isn't just with drawing. There are friends who I have gone far too long without speaking to, but I'll find some reason not to call or not to write. I tell myself I'll do it later. But why?

I like talking to my friends. I can understand putting off things that I don't like, but why do I put off things I enjoy?

It's an odd thing.