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Take Two (or four)(or seven)

Thanks to everyone who offered feedback on the first draft of the cover for All Star! Keeping those comments in mind, another draft has been worked up, this one trying to address some of the problems observed in the previous iteration, incorporate a number of the suggestions received, and evoke the feeling of a late 80s Topps All Star card. Once again, all feedback is welcomed and appreciated.

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E. J. Barnes said…
Is "Crown Valley League" supposed to be part of the title? If it's not, you may confuse some readers. I know you're going with a reference to baseball cards here and I'm not sure how to solve this.

I like the baseball diamond shape with outfield, and how the crowd is pushed a little further into the background.

I also like the new stance, but I'd have him raise his knee a little more -- you've got a tangent between his knee and his other leg, and you need to overlap them rather than imply they are touching.
January 7, 2013 at 10:31 AM
ETCIllustration said…
Jesse, this looks great! Love the new pose and the way the shape of the field complements the space. I admit that the white text is a little confusing, but then again I'm not familiar with baseball cards. I did think that "Crown Valley League" was part of the title and didn't question it until I read E.J.'s comment.
January 7, 2013 at 10:56 AM
Jerel said…
I agree with the other that this is looking really good. I think it works much better than the first one. I too noticed the tangent at the knee that EJ pointed out that causes my eye to be drawn to that point

Also not being a baseball person, I find all of the additional text (Crown Valley League, Carl Carter, First Base) a little confusing, I'm sort of puzzling out that this must have something to do with baseball cards, which both EJ and Ellen mention. I think that mystery detracts from the overall impact though.

I like the new handling of the baseball diamond, and the new visual balance between character and background.

I personally like the font you chose for the title, but I don't like the way it comes juuuust over the edge of the inside frame. I'd either make it larger and really overlapped or bring it in and have the yellow come up and around it.
January 7, 2013 at 11:17 AM
J. L. Bell said…
I agree that readers may well read the copy on the "baseball card" to be part of the cover, displaying the subtitle or even the author's name. If you want to show a baseball card, then maybe putting it on a slant with edges visible would work better. Then again, a real card might be too much.

I also agree that the pose of this batter conveys more of a sense of action, especially in the next split second. If he were a right-hander, the line of that action would draw our eyes left to right, toward the pages of the book. But if he were a right-hander, he wouldn't do so well at the plate.
January 7, 2013 at 5:33 PM
Jesse Lonergan said…
Thanks all! I wasn't sure how the baseball card stuff would read, but I liked the idea enough that I thought it was worth a shot, but it looks it's a no go. However, I was more hopeful than expectant; my gut, which is the wisest part of my body, told me it wouldn't work.

Glad the pose is looking better, except for the tangent, and as mentioned, I would have preferred for it to be facing to the right and the opening of the book, but the character is left-handed. I did a reverse sketch with his back to the reader and it just didn't read well at all.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. There'll be another draft coming along soon.
January 7, 2013 at 9:58 PM
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