The Dailies

Oog! Spelled Charlie's wrong! I'm such an idiot. And what's up with navy blue and white striped shirts? They're everywhere!!

Another year half gone!! Man, they just get going so fast. How fast? Too fast. Anyway, it being just a little bit after the half year mark, I think it's time that I check to see how I'm doing on my New Year's resolutions, which I so wisely posted here in January. This is gonna be awesome!

1. Memorize the periodic table.

Ha ha! Signed out a book from the library all about the elements, but only got as far as the rare earth metals and I've already forgotten those.

2. Publish a tract on the proper way to ride a city bus (because apparently some people need this; for example, if there is an empty seat in front of you, SIT IN IT! Don't just stand there blocking the way, you big dope!)(I know there is this idea that if you're a healthy young man in the prime of life that you shouldn't take that seat and instead should leave it for someone decrepit, but all you are doing is blocking the aisle of the bus and blocking the view of all the empty seats in the back of the bus, and suddenly in a few stops the front of the bus is all clogged with people standing up because you were standing up because why would you be standing up if there were empty seats)(and if someone decrepit does come on the bus you can always stand up and give them your seat and then all the people on the bus will think, "What a kind young man.")(SO SIT DOWN!!!).

Nope. Which is probably for the best anyway.

3. Calm down and stop foaming at the mouth about how people don't know how to ride the bus.

Damn it! In this very string of comics posted today I did that!

4. Get a firmer understanding of the history of the Austro-Hungarian Empire (I know, I know, I know, I made the same resolution last year).

Failure!

5. Find out just who exactly this Justin Bieber character is.

Sadly, I've been successful with this one.

6. Remember to close the cabinet doors in my kitchen instead of leaving them open all the time.

Bumped my head on an open cabinet door this morning.

7. Cease snorting derisively when anyone mentions McSweeney's.

No.

8. Smile more frequently.

No.

9. Wear headphones less often.

No.

10. Bake a wide variety of breads.

Haven't turned on the oven once this year.

11. Refrain from mocking books and movies that I have never actually read or seen.

Right, like that's ever going to happen. Especially if they (those idiots in Hollywood who never seem to listen to the messages I telepathically send them) keep releasing things like the Green Lantern!

So, not too successful. But I promise, I swear I'll do better in the second half! Six months. Sweet. No problem. I could bake, like, 183 loaves of bread in that time!

And I'll even add one. I'm gonna learn how to play Chug-a-lug by Roger Miller on the guitar cause it's my new favorite song.